Dream World

I was lost in someone else's life for a moment. I was doing what they needed me to do because I had nothing else to do. I did want to help too but it was also somewhere that I didn't have to think about how difficult my life was at the moment. I was a recent graduate with no job and no income. All that would be at my front door when I got home. So I started spending later hours out in that dream world. I woke up last week on Thursday. I realized that I wasn't moving forward in my life because I was not thinking about me and what I needed. I really, badly still wanted to go to law school. The problem was that my GPA was not all that great. Throughout my Undergraduate career I received mostly Bs and Cs. What I now realized is that I could no longer go to the University of Santa Clara. So I talked to an admissions representative from there and she said that I should check out a website. I did and realized that me getting into a law school now depended on me getting a high score on the LSAT. Problem was that I had not taken it yet. I was holding myself back. I felt I couldn't do it for so long because I had family in my life telling me I couldn't do it. Now after watching the secret with my mom I realized I could do it. I have the right to change my future and I will. My dream world is now my dream and my future. Law school here I come.

Relization

I finally realized that for me religion is unnecessary. I believe in god ( I think), but I do not believe in religions. I feel that they are just like cults. People following blindly through the thoughts of others. I feel that the two most powerful religions (Christianity and Islam) are not the work of god, but greedy men. These men want power so they make women's status less than theirs. They give reason to kill others in the name of a religion. If there is a god, I'm sure it did not want mankind to constantly kill each other and the earth. I believe that the golden rule is the ultimate way of life. Treat others how you want to be treated. Many people know this but they are blinded by greed. They want money, power, and success, but they feel the only way to achieve that is to manipulate others to their advantage. I can't do that because I genuinely care about others. America wants their people to feel that capitalism is the only way to a good life, but that simply is not true. We can share evenly and have a simple, happy life. It's not impossible. This is why I meditate because the things that happen around me I have no control of and I wish I did.

With Love and Happiness

Here I am surrounded by success but none of it is mine. What is wrong with me? Where's my fire gone? I shouldn't feel depressed but I do. It's because I have not arrived yet. Why am I so insecure now? What is holding me back from being successful? I ask this question but I already know the answer. It's me. I automatically feel like I can't do something because it's all in my head. When I make an attempt and it is not successful I put myself down but saying that I'm not good enough. I haven't wrote in my journal consistantly since I began college. Although I love to write I lost passion. The only time I have passion is out of anger and depression. That is the only time I write and lately it's been a lot. My dark side has arrived but I want it to pass. I'm fighting everyday with myself to stay positive and do the right thing. I blame other's sometimes but mostly I blame myself for making the wrong decisions. I no longer belong to a religion because to me it's just like belonging to a gang. Going to war and hurting others in the name of "God" is a sin in it's self but the American government dose it everyday and in front of the media. Nobody dose a thing because they are scared or are brainwashed into thinking there is nothing they can do about it. I love America but I don not like the way the majority of Americans act. Everything is always about the individual until they fall. I'm fallen and even though I have helped others they have not helped me. This is not a complaint but an observation. I love to help others but I do not expect something in return when I help them. This is a period of maturity that as an adult is very essential. A lot of people try to tear me down because I don't act "ghetto" enough? I'm from the ghetto but I don't see it as a reason to act loud, disrespectful, or inhumane. My life has inspired me to help others in similar situations. There is more to life than being a "ghetto" person. I'm not putting down ghetto people, but I am putting down the people that claim to be "ghetto". My definition of ghetto is someone coming from unfortunate circumstances and using that experience to uplift other people and themselves. We are all human but the only thing that makes us feel different is the need to be classified into different groups. I shouldn't have to identify myself as an African American Woman with a college degree. I should just be able to identify myself as Katice Alexis Harris, a woman that loves to help others through listening and through her writing. After all, writing has always been my first love because it always makes me feel happy agian no matter what. I have a lot to offer the world and the only way they will see that is through my devotion to writing. Whoever reads this, I hope it helps you realize that no matter what you determine your worth. With all my love and blessings I wish you success in life.