New Pespective

I seem to get into relationships with guys and know they're going to end. I just want to love and be loved. I felt like you had to have to be boyfriend and girlfriend in order to do that. A lot of my guy friends and two of my girlfriends say that the labels are what mess up relationships. I'm starting to believe that.
With guys that are my friends I feel I can be myself completely.  When I like someone, I turn into a different person. I start doing what I think a girlfriend should do, rather than be myself. My promise to myself has always been to stay true to who I am no matter what. Be genuine. I have not been doing that for a while. Period. I want to be happy and the only way I can do that is by really staying true to me beliefs.
I believe in love and soul mates, but my perspective has changed. Legally, that person is not yours unless you are married on paper. Spiritually, I believe if that person is there for you no matter what, then they are yours. My friend Ester said it best: "Love can't be defined. If you can define it, then it's not love". Love is endless, boundless, and undefined.
I'm searching for love. That's a problem because I need to love myself first. Love is always there, you just have to allow yourself to feel it. Anyone, that believes in God knows that. For now on, my focus is going to be on self love and friendships. I have different friends, but I love them all. Each and everyone has a little bit of my personality in them. I always felt like I would never get married because of the relationships around me. I realize now that I define my outcome, not others. I want to get married once and it will happen later on in life. I'm still young. I'm still figuring out myself. Relationships are the stepping stones to self enlightenment. It's very important no matter how bad or good they are.