With Love and Happiness

Here I am surrounded by success but none of it is mine. What is wrong with me? Where's my fire gone? I shouldn't feel depressed but I do. It's because I have not arrived yet. Why am I so insecure now? What is holding me back from being successful? I ask this question but I already know the answer. It's me. I automatically feel like I can't do something because it's all in my head. When I make an attempt and it is not successful I put myself down but saying that I'm not good enough. I haven't wrote in my journal consistantly since I began college. Although I love to write I lost passion. The only time I have passion is out of anger and depression. That is the only time I write and lately it's been a lot. My dark side has arrived but I want it to pass. I'm fighting everyday with myself to stay positive and do the right thing. I blame other's sometimes but mostly I blame myself for making the wrong decisions. I no longer belong to a religion because to me it's just like belonging to a gang. Going to war and hurting others in the name of "God" is a sin in it's self but the American government dose it everyday and in front of the media. Nobody dose a thing because they are scared or are brainwashed into thinking there is nothing they can do about it. I love America but I don not like the way the majority of Americans act. Everything is always about the individual until they fall. I'm fallen and even though I have helped others they have not helped me. This is not a complaint but an observation. I love to help others but I do not expect something in return when I help them. This is a period of maturity that as an adult is very essential. A lot of people try to tear me down because I don't act "ghetto" enough? I'm from the ghetto but I don't see it as a reason to act loud, disrespectful, or inhumane. My life has inspired me to help others in similar situations. There is more to life than being a "ghetto" person. I'm not putting down ghetto people, but I am putting down the people that claim to be "ghetto". My definition of ghetto is someone coming from unfortunate circumstances and using that experience to uplift other people and themselves. We are all human but the only thing that makes us feel different is the need to be classified into different groups. I shouldn't have to identify myself as an African American Woman with a college degree. I should just be able to identify myself as Katice Alexis Harris, a woman that loves to help others through listening and through her writing. After all, writing has always been my first love because it always makes me feel happy agian no matter what. I have a lot to offer the world and the only way they will see that is through my devotion to writing. Whoever reads this, I hope it helps you realize that no matter what you determine your worth. With all my love and blessings I wish you success in life.